dunno

by Australian writer John Martin

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Satire
Letter to Noah: we want our Tasmanian Tigers back

You do remember the Tasmanian Tiger, don't you, Noah? A shy, marsupial dog-like animal about three feet tall and five feet long, with light brown fur and dark stripes across its lower back? Tail like a kangaroo, powerful jaws?
It hunted and ate mainly small marsupials such as bandicoots and small kangaroos.
I expect that habit caused you a few sleepless nights on your ark for those 40 days and 40 nights, eh?
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Humour
Hey son, give me back my trousers
I have no idea why I have never been head-hunted for a position as a fashion consultant.
Possibly it is because I think fashion crazes are confidence tricks.
Call me cynical, but I think they are designed to make money for the movers and shakers and con people in the fashion industry
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Humour
Whiff of nostalgia

In 500BC, the world's first municipal dump was opened in Athens, Greece. That might not mean much to you but it does to me because I've been to our local tip twice in the past three days and I've gone from perspiration to inspiration.
When I read about the Greek venture in 500BC, my first reaction was: "Wow, what foresight! Were they cleaning up the city for the Olympics?"
My second reaction was: " I wonder if they know the price of entry has gone up?"
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Satire
Tour operator declares war
Retired British SAS officer Major Jeremy Billycock-Smythe has made a bold foray into the adventure vacation market.
He is offering three-week war-zone packages
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Humour
Keeping the whiskers at bay

My son announced yesterday that it was time he started shaving.
Kids grow up so quick these days, don't they?
He only turned five last week
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Humour
Easter Earthlings and funny bunnies
 "So, what have you brought me?" Borizz Pegtazc, the supreme commander of the planet Outer Zebrfon V, excitedly asked Cvrmnon Xcnbrety who had just returned from a year's reconnaissance on Earth.
"You're in luck, oh great leader," replied his servant. "I've brought you some Easter eggs."
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Funny fiction
Living next door to Rembrandt

If only Dutch artist Willie van Dork had listened to reason, he could have been just as famous as Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn. He had a lot in common with Rembrandt and some learned observers early in his career thought he was technically a better painter. MORE...

 

 

 

 

 

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